Sunday, August 21, 2011

Old Habits. . . .

I gave up long ago fighting the fact that I am an idealist. It is one of those things that I accept about myself, although sometimes I prefer to think that I am an idealist because I have such a great sense of vision, imagination, and courage. That makes it sound so cool, doesn't it? It takes away the air of flightiness, flakiness, and naivete which, I do not, but others like to equate with idealism. What I don't accept and often tend to forget even happens is how quick that idealism fades and turns to reality. I am fighting against calling this failure and taking my shrink's advice to look at these instances instead as opportunities to grow. But right now, failure is looking more accurate.

Getting to the point. . . .

My school district has introduced an initiative this year for all teachers to move to using the "gradual release of responsibility" instructional model. I applaud this. I cheer for this. I wholeheartedly support this. In fact I have been trying to more faithfully teach using this instructional model for about three years, and see myself making progress each year. However, now that it has come down as an edict, and I know that it is an expectation, I am a bit terrified. I felt no pressure when I viewed myself as a trailblazer, a rebel against the traditional establishment. It is an expectation now. Now I worry about failure.

As I try to plan collaboratively will by grade level colleagues, I am realizing how easy it would be to fall back into the traditional, "sit and get," "guess the answer I'm thinking of," teacher-centered classroom. I think I am hardwired by a lifetime of being a student, growing up with a teacher, modelling what I am familiar instruction. It is easy and comfortable to fall back on that. "Turn to page 375, and read 'The Interlopers,' then answer the critical thinking questions for homework," I'm afraid these words will come from MY mouth! Remembering that we don't all have to read the same story to master the standard. Reminding myself that we do not even need to read the entire story in order to collaborate and work independently on our own reading seems harder to do. And it's only approaching the first full week of school. How fast the idealism seems to fade.

I think it's going to be lonely out there, as I continue to chart my course and remain faithful to what I know is right and what the district wants. It's easy to fall back into old habits, old habits that were born decades before I was a student and continue to hold on to well-meaning educators today. And so I prepare for the new week, with teaching point of view, and monitoring comprehension on my plate, without even a clear vision of what the reader's notebook will look like. The poor idealist in me is struggling against what is easier and what appears to be more popular. So, in addition to planning my lessons, this weekend I work on finding my footing to keep from stumbling back into those old habits.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

To begin the new year a-right

Does that sound a bit Dickens-ian? Egads, I hope not! (My apologies to lovers of C.D.) Shall I get to my point?

A new school year is fast approaching. I have registration on Wednesday and 6 wonderful students coming to help me settle in to my new room. My mind is full of ideas and knowledge of some wonderful technology applications. I've got an interesting opportunity to teach 95% of the students that I taught last year. (I only have 5 students I haven't previously taught.) I purchased classroom subscriptions to Edu Glogs, and Voice Thread--I am not sure what to do with them now that I have the capabilities, but I have them. I am on Twitter and Facebook and believe both can be helpful for instruction. I created Adamsland Ning for my students, so they have a space for blogs and discussion forums that remains a bit controlled by me.

I think this is where I am struggling--how do I make my beliefs of being a middle school English teacher--helping students find their reader's identity and write'rs voice while teaching them the state standards--with all of the wonderful tools that technology affords us? I need to make everything mesh before August 17 when the students arrive, so I can present to them a technology plan as well as a reading, writing, and research plan. I need to balance my focus and get all parts of my ELA instruction working together like the proverbial machine, so I am not left feeling guilty that one is taking the place or more importance over the others.

This is what I will be focusing on for the next two weeks.